That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
