just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize