a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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