he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
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for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
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I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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