Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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