I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
