I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
