So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
zippers are such a cool invention
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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