eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Acid is not a monday night drug
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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