Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
