I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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