I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
