I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
