im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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