Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
