My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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