I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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