ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
