Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
