you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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