His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
