i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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