So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
