I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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