Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
