i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
