What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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