I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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