I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
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I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
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At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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