based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
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Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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