no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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