never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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