What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
