a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
