You made me cry and you don't even care
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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