I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Man, jail baloney is awful.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
