Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
