It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize