My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
