Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
