someone get that fucking seahorse.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
