Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
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Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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