Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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