Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
