They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
