Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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