Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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