pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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