is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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