The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
