I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
