Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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