I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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