She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
