stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
