omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
