You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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