so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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